Reports on the internet and in print that Courteney Cox Arquette is bent on getting a big-screen “Friends” movie made on the heels of “Sex and the City’s” success as a feature – and that everyone but Jennifer Aniston is on board – come as news to Lisa Kudrow.

“As soon as we wrapped, there were rumors about a movie — started by I don’t know who – but they’ve never been true,” says the former Friend Phoebe.  “The only thing I heard: it would have to be done by the people who created the show, and no one has made them interested enough to write it.”

As far as her own interest?  “I think it would be so fun to be with all those people again, but our show was not like ‘Sex and the City,’ which was a single camera, filmic show anyway.  Ours was multi-camera, in front of a live audience.  It’s a completely different feel.

You’d have to bring the tone down, and I don’t know how it would be.  I’ll just stay open.”

Kudrow has a full plate without a “Friends” movie, including several independent features in the can and a film to make this fall with Jeff Daniels. First up: she stars in the July-opening limited release dramedy “Kabluey,” playing a soldier’s wife who is trying to keep things going on the home front while he’s in Iraq – and makes the mistake of allowing her brother-in-law to become her kids’ nanny.

It’s from first-time filmmaker Scott Prendergast, who also plays the bad babysitter based on his own experiences.

Referring to her short-lived but acclaimed HBO series, she says, “One of the writers on ‘The Comeback,’ Heather Morgan, knew Scott and she told me, ‘This guy who used to be in the Groundlings program and is really talented — he loves our show!’  She was so excited.  That meant a lot to her because she really respected this guy and his taste.”  Years passed, then along came “Kabluey.”  “When I read the script, I thought he had a unique, interesting voice,” says Lisa.  “He’s so good!”

THE VIDEOLAND VIEW: The fifth season of “Stargate Atlantis” launches July 11 — with several cast changes, including a shift from starring to recurring status for Amanda Tapping, and Robert Picardo essentially taking her place as the mission leader on the Sci Fi series.  This “could be” a transitional year, agrees the show’s wryly witty star, Joe Flanigan.  “I’ve been tempered by my experience not to make any bold statements.  It’s definitely been a different experience for us with the changes. The storylines seem to be a little more sophisticated.”  But he can’t talk about them.  Offers Flainigan, “I’ll give you one secret:  I don’t die.”

Flanigan does say, “I’d like to see a little more exploration of my character. They’re kind of working on a couple of ideas we could possibly do.  I certainly don’t feel the well is dry in terms of continuing to make these characters interesting.  Still, there’s no doubt about it – the challenge of keeping a character dynamic through a number of seasons is a real one.  In the genre of science fiction maybe less so, because you’re dealing with big external threats and bizarre situations,” he says.

“Luckily, we all like each other and keep each other sane, which is a major plus,” he adds.  “If you’re going to spend this much time on a project, you’d better enjoy the people you’re working with.”

ANOTHER DAY JOB HEARD FROM: John O’Hurley of “Dancing With the Stars,” “Family Feud,” dog show and commercial renown has developed a professional life for himself outside the entertainment realm — picking up where former “Monty Python” star John Cleese left off by creating up-to-date instructional business videos.

“There hasn’t been a celebrity driven business-oriented piece of instructional communication since John Cleese did this back in the mid 80’s.  I studied his business model, quite frankly,” O’Hurley tells us.  ”We premiered our first video called ‘Love Your Customer’ and we’ve been told there’s nothing like it in the business.  This will be the first of many that I do.”

Yes, don’t let his stint in those tight “DWTS” pants fool you!  ”I have a strong business presence because I own six companies,” says O’Hurley, “so I think I know what I talk about.”

FIELD OF SCREAMS: There’ve already been more than seven films made from, or inspired by, Stephen King’s “Children of the Corn” — some of which the author has pointedly disavowed — with stars ranging from Charlize Theron and Naomi Watts to Stacy Keach and Eva Mendes, to Ahmet Zappa and Karen Black.  So of course it’s time for another remake!  The latest “Children of the Corn” is scheduled to start shooting in August, from horror producer Donald Borchers (“Leprechaun 2,” “Voodoo,” etc.) Casting is underway.

For the past seven episodes of Farmer Wants a Wife, we’ve watched as Farmer Matt Neustadt narrowed down his list of potential spouses.  It’s obvious that Matt needs a woman who is a bingo champion, a knitting queen, a mean apple pie baker and great at racing a tractor.  She also has to be able to spot a pregnant cow with just one swift punch to its rectum.  This is a rare combination of qualities that could never be found outside the world of reality television.  Last week Matt eliminated both Amanda and Kanisha from the competition, leaving only two ladies to fight for his affections.  Which one will win the farmer’s heart?

On tonight’s season finale, Matt takes each of the girls on a private date, then calls a town meeting to announce which lucky lady gets to look forward to a life of sheep shearing and pig wrangling.

Though I’m going to miss Farmer Wants a Wife with all my heart, it’s the opening credit sequence that I truly hate to say goodbye to.  Instead of having the poor man’s version of The Cheetah Girls sing the theme song like they do every week, I wish the CW had recruited the Vienna Boys’ Choir to warble a slow, sad version of the booty-busting tune for the finale.  I need something that puts me in a somber mood, but it’s impossible to be sullen when I hear peppy gals proudly belting, “They’ve come to try the country life / ‘Cause this farmer wants a wife.”  Oh well, maybe it’s best that things kick off on a happy note.  Let’s save our tears for the end of it all.

Matt arrives at the house and tells Brooke and Christa that they get to perform wifely duties while he works on the farm all day.  Being a wife consists of running errands, picking up car parts, catching chickens and going grocery shopping.  Gee, what fun.

While Brooke chases chickens around the coop and delivers them to a neighbor, Christa heads to the auto shop to pick up Matt’s new carburetor.  She stops at a local store afterwards to pay off Matt’s tab, and with her usual tact asks the clerk if he sells condoms.  He says he doesn’t, which I find rather odd since this looks like a typical convenience store.  Maybe they don’t use condoms in Missouri.

Brooke gets delayed by a train while rushing to finish up her errands, which allows Christa to have some alone time with Matt.  She gives him some horribly cheesy sunglasses that she bought at the condom-less convenience store, and he’s nice enough to pretend he likes them.  Brooke finally walks in the door a few minutes later, and for some reason I think Matt refers to her as “B-Diddle.”  What kind of nickname is that?  It makes her sound like an old-timey jazz musician.

Matt is going to take each girl out on a private date, starting with little Miss B-Diddle.  Matt thinks that Brooke is an outdoorsy type of gal, so he takes her out to a field to ride four-wheelers.  They start off on separate vehicles, but after slowing down for a quick kiss they ride together for a while.  After stopping for a picnic, Matt begins to worry that Brooke is being too reserved and introverted.  That’s because B-Diddle wants to say the phrase that has sent many men running for the hills: “I love you.”  Having seen enough episodes of The O.C. and Gossip Girl to know that such naïve declarations don’t always end well, Brooke decides to hold off.

Later that night, Matt arrives in a horse-drawn carriage to pick Christa up for their date.  He even wears his hideous sunglasses, which leads me to believe that he’s going to pick Christa.  Only a man in love would sport a fashion accessory that atrocious.  Brooke also suspects that she’s doomed, but she’s more concerned about the horse-drawn carriage than the sunglasses.

Christa goes on a special date to Matt’s house, which is decorated with dead animal heads and a rug made from a slaughtered fox.  Instead of taking her to the bedroom like he totally wants to, Matt shows her the nice dinner he’s prepared on the outside patio.  After an engaging conversation and a lengthy make-out session, he takes Christa back to the farm.

Yep, Brooke is definitely toast.

The ladies get dressed up to the nines the next day and down some wine while waiting for Matt.  Before they can get tipsy and start playing truth or dare, “the whole f-ing community,” as Christa puts it, shows up outside the door.  Matt comes in and lets them know that he’s going to make his big decision in front of the entire town.  That won’t be at all embarrassing for the loser, I’m sure.

After taking the girls on stage, Matt explains why it was so hard to choose between the two finalists.  B-Diddle is bubbly and a joy to be around, while Christa, he says, “is ready to do it at any time.”  Ain’t that the truth, ladies and gents?  Woo!  He didn’t mean it in that way, but it’s funny nonetheless.

To make the loser’s humiliation even more grand, Matt has a crop duster fly over the farm with a sign announcing the winner.  The woman that will soon become Matt’s ball and chain is. . .BROOKE!  Wait, seriously?  Seriously?  I didn’t see that one coming at all.  Curse those clever CW editors for fooling me!

Christa is gracious and leaves the stage with dignity, though she’ll probably down a quart of wine and get eight more piercings before the day is over.  After getting covered in confetti, Matt and his fiancée drive off into the sunset on a tractor.  Aww, B-Diddle for the win, y’all!  And yes, I can say things like “y’all” now, because this show has imbued me with its country spirit.

Farmer Wants a Wife may be over, but you can check BuddyTV tomorrow for our exclusive interview with Matt and Brooke.  We’ll get the scoop on whether they’re still together, and find out if they really plan to tie the knot.

It’s been a while since my last Celebrity Meat Locker entry - 783 days, to be exact. Why the big gap? Did the miracles of modern science suddenly prevent the rich and interesting among us from meeting their previously-assured demise? Was 2007 a statistical anomaly in that nobody of note shuffled this mortal coil? Nah. I’ve just been busy and lazy… but mostly lazy. The number of celebrity deaths in 2008, though, is mounting and looks to be a banner year in celebrity death-watching. Therefore, below is a long and yet somehow still abbreviated list of people who have died so far this year.

Charlton Heston (84), actor - pneumonia

Heston, best known for iconic roles in Ben Hur, The Ten Commandments, Planet of the Apes, and Wayne’s World 2, passed away on April 5^th. Offscreen, He (I capitalize only because Heston would have wanted it that way) was a staunch conservative, campaigning for Reagan and both of “them thar Bush boys”, and a big-time gun advocate serving as the president of the NRA from 1998 - 2003. In a speech on gun control, he is quoted as having said that “God blessed us with guns” - a fact he no doubt learned while playing Adam the never-released “Natural Born Sinners - Escape from Eden”.

Heath Ledger (28), actor - accidental overdose

Ledger was an award-nominated actor (he never actually won anything), best known for playing a tough-skinned gay cowboy alongside Jake Gyllenhaal in “Brokeback Mountain”, which is a brutal thing to have etched on your tombstone for all of eternity. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a tough-skinned gay cowboy. In fact, many people have made a good living doing just that. But Jake Gyllenhaal? Isn’t that a little… obvious?

Ledger’s untimely death has provided more publicity than Warner Bros. could ever have dreamed for this summer’s new Batman Movie “The Dark Knight”, in which he plays a very tormented Joker character made famous by Jack Nicholson.

Herb Peterson (89), inventor of the Egg McMuffin

The fast food executive owned a chain of McDonald’s franchises in California and in 1972 came up with the signature breakfast food known the world over as a miracle cure for hangovers. Protestors lined the streets outside Peterson’s memorial service claiming he was solely responsible for America’s obesity problem while they force-fed their fat-ass kids Whoppers and French fries.

George Carlin (71), comedian / actor - heart failure

Carlin is best known for his routine entitled “The 7 Words You Can’t Say on Television”, in which he utters all sorts of words and phrases that would get my article flagged for indecency. Carlin was arrested for performing the bit and his case eventually went in front of the Supreme Court, who in a 5-4 ruling decided Carlin was “indecent” but not “obscene”, and therefore protected under the First Amendment. When asked about the verdict in an interview, Carlin said, “F*#k yeah! Suck on that m*$&!r f#$%&ers!”

Sydney Pollack (73), director/producer, actor - cancer

The award-winning (suck on that, Ledger) director helmed several classics, including “The Way We Were”, “Tootsie” and “Out of Africa”. While directing “Tootsie”, Pollack’s arguments with the film’s star Dustin Hoffman were legendary. Hoffman eventually persuaded Pollack to star alongside him in the film, playing his character’s agent. This jump-started the director’s second career as an actor. He went on to star as a character actor in several films, many of which he also directed and/or produced.

Tim Russert (58), political journalist - heart failure

One of the more shocking deaths of the year so far, Russert collapsed while rehearsing for an airing of “Meet the Press”, for which he had served as moderator since 1991. Russert was NBC’s Washington bureau chief and was a regular on almost every NBC political program. He also served as moderator for several Presidential debates. Born in Buffalo, NY, Russert was an avid sports fan and would often make guests on his shows uncomfortable by asking them about Buffalo sports teams to which the guests would inevitably respond with nervous smiles and generic answers. Russert was fond of using a hand-held dry erase board to outline his points, including calculating the possible electoral college outcomes during the 2000 Presidential election. That dry erase board now sits in the Smithsonian, leading CNN to seriously question the millions of dollars they spent on their fancy interactive maps that nobody understands anyway.

Roy Scheider (75), actor - cause of death not released

Scheider was a veteran film actor, best known for his role as Chief Brody in the “Jaws” franchise. Scheider appeared in more than 50 films. His famous line in “Jaws” - “You’re gonna need a bigger boat” - was actually ad-libbed. While the cause of Scheider’s death was not released to the press, it is widely believed that the shark that inexplicably returned to hunt his family down despite being killed in each of the four “Jaws” films, and being fictional, finally gunned him down with a semi-automatic rifle at his home in Little Rock, Arkansas.

Allan Melvin (84), Sam the Butcher from The Brady Bunch - cancer

Melvin appeared in several popular programs in the 60s, 70s and 80s, but really does anyone remember him as anything other than Sam the Butcher? He probably really only appeared in about 3 episodes, but Alice talked about him so freakin’ often we feel like we knew him way too intimately. Personally, I think Alice’s obsession with the butcher was totally one-sided. Dude was tapping every maid in town. Way to go, Sam. Way to go.

Sir Edmund Hillary (88), beekeeper, adventurer - heart failure

Hillary was the first man to reach the top of Mount Everest. He was knighted immediately upon his return, proving once again (along with Dusty Springfield and Tom Jones) that just about anybody can get people to call them “Sir”. Hillary led some incredible philanthropic pursuits in his life in addition to his mountaineering, but I include him in this list just so I can include this picture in which I think he looks remarkably like the mountain-climbing uncle in “Mr. Deeds”.

Celebrity Meat Locker attempts to poke fun at death by highlighting some of the more notable deaths of our time. I realize some of the more self-righteous among you will be offended. Just remember, some day you’re going to die too and you’re going to wish someone like me was around to write about it. But I won’t, because you’re just not that interesting.

Jack Black recently spoke with Stuff about his desire to lose weight for future nude scenes,

“When I saw my rear end in my nude scene in ‘Margot at the Wedding’, it actually had a double chin. I’ve joined a gym because the next time you see me naked I’ll be trim.”

the guilt he feels after eating a cheeseburger,

“I want to feel good too. Now if I eat a cheeseburger and fries, it tastes so good at the time and then right after it’s like, ‘What did I do? Why?’ “

and his favorite pastime which was shoving Coco Pops into his anus. Wait, what?

The ‘Kung Fu Panda’ star said: “I also put Coco Pops in my butt. Why? For comedy and experiment. I was a scientist and I discovered you could put a lot of them up your butt.”

Jack Black: Actor, comedian, shover of Coco Pops in butt extraordinaire? More at 11.

Cybill Shepherd is busy working back-to-back assignments these days – with her role as James Roday’s mother on “Psych” being unveiled in the show’s new season next month, another season of “The L Word” ahead, and two independent films.

With her three children off on their own and her home downsized, the 58-year-old star of film, TV and stage – who’s lived through her share of tempestuous times and diva accusations – sounds more mellow than in the past.  Is she?  “Oh, yes.  I think I was pretty mellow in the very beginning maybe, but success has a way of just hyping you up,” she candidly observes.  “It’s hard not to believe you’re going to stay at that level of everything – popularity, financial gain.  I’ve been around long enough I’ve seen it come and go, come and go.

“I think the thing that contributed to the wonderful activity in my career at this stage is ‘The L Word,’ which has been a really great opportunity for me in terms of publicity, fan response and work,” adds Cybill, whose daughter Clementine will also return on that Showtime series’ final season, which begins production next month.

Cybill recently completed the off-the-wall movie comedy “Barry Munday” with Patrick Wilson, Chloë Sevigny and Malcolm McDowell. Now she’s in Pennsylvania making “Another Harvest Moon.”

“It’s a multi-generational story with an amazing cast. Piper Laurie, Doris Roberts, Anne Meara, Richard Schiff, Ernest Borgnine… I can’t believe I’m getting a chance to work with Ernest Borgnine!  He’s 91, and he helped me with one of my lines yesterday,” she says of the beloved Oscar winner, who plays her father in the flick.

She’s been putting in 15-hour-plus days.  “It’s tough but I’m adapting.  It’s not about me, these hours.  It’s not someone trying to do something to me.  I’m not taking it personally,” she says.  “There’s a great camaraderie on this film.”

THE POT THICKENS: Elizabeth Perkins reports her character’s antagonistic relationship with Nancy Botwin, the pot selling mom played by Mary Louise Parker on “Weeds” “is going to change” as the just-launched new season of the Showtime series unfurls.

“I love it when we’re at odds because it’s so much fun to play,” says Perkins, who’s garnered two Golden Globe and Emmy nods for her portrayal of Celia Hodes on the show. “But we’re finally going to be in cahoots with each other.” She notes, “There were so many seasons of us being at odds, there was no place to go except for us to accept it’s fate we’re to be together. It’s kind of like having a sister you can’t stand and she’s not going to go away. From the moment last season when Nancy had to come to Celia and say ‘Look I need your house,’ Celia has had the upper hand. It’s sort of like Celia is family now whether you want her to be or not. She’s not going away and Nancy has to figure out a way to work with her.”

Perkins adds, “I love it because I think Celia is really madly in love with Nancy. I think that’s a facet of the relationship that will always be there. Celia’s just kind of like this puppy following Nancy around saying ‘Why won’t you love me?’ I don’t think that will ever change. I think it comes out of the general boredom with her own life. She gets really excited with this (marijuana) stuff.  I loved that moment last season when she’s with Conrad and he calls her ‘Gangster Barbie.’ I’m so excited to be part of the gang now.”

HOME AGAIN: “Reno: 911!” regular Wendi McLendon-Covey says she’s having a blast moonlighting at her old stomping grounds, The Groundlings comedy theater in Los Angeles. “I’m doing a really fun show at The Groundlings with Mindy Sterling, Michael McDonald from ‘MadTV,’ Kim Badgeley, Rachel Harris, Melissa McCarthy from ‘Samantha Who?’…a lot of the old Groundling alums that have gone on to be successful,” says the actress. “It’s called ‘Beverly Winwood Presents The Actors Showcase and it’s a send-up of all the bad actors’ showcases – and there are thousands — in Los Angeles. It’s a show that’s been going on and off for like seven years and its how the casting people found me for ‘Reno.’ It’s so much fun and it sells out within minutes. They keep adding more dates and now it sounds like it’s going to run Monday nights through July.

“It is a scream. We all play fictitious people who have taken acting classes from this Beverly Winwood person. Everybody gets up and does things that are inappropriate just like in a regular showcase. I’m playing a woman who danced in high school and 20 years later she’s feeling pretty confident she could be doing it again, so she chooses to play Cathy from ‘A Chorus Line.’ It is such a good time. I love looking out in the audience and seeing people gasping for air, or seeing that look of amused horror. It’s horrifying in the best way.”

AND THE CATCH IS…:  Interesting casting notice that went out the other day for a Travel Channel host for a show about cruising the world.  We hear that producers specifically have been seeking a female of multi-ethnic origin, along with travel experience, great energy, the ability to feel comfortable in different cultures, and a willingness to do her own hair and makeup.

And imagine the candidates who swarmed producers of a soon-to-shoot infomercial involving new cosmetic surgery techniques for face lifts, neck lifts and other goodies.  Per casting sources, they sought men and women, 39 to 65 years of age, to make 150 bucks a day plus $5,500-to-$9,500 in procedures.  No general anesthesia.

Check out these sexy Hayden Panettiere photos from the Heroes set with her looking great as a brunette! That’s something I didn’t think I’d see anytime soon, but then again nothing surprises me anymore.

So now I guess it really is up to you on how you like Hayden, as a blonde or as a brunette? Can we expect to see a red-headed look anytime soon? What are the odds on that…

According to an authorized biography about Hugh Hefner’s life, the Playboy Mogul had some creepy sexual relations with his wife and brother.  Apparently Hugh got to boink his sister-in-law during a an unsuccessful attempt at a foursome between the two couples.

At first it started out him having sex with his wife while his friend poked his own wife on the same bed.  But then it got creepy when he involved his brother.

Hef then went further, trying a foursome out on his own family. “It did happen with his brother, Keith, and his wife, Rae, one evening,” Watts writes. “[But] while Millie ultimately backed out of having sex with Keith, Hugh slept with his sister-in-law.”

The book also says some dude went down on him once.

I’m all for people having foursomes if that’s what it takes to get off, but there is absolutely no reason to involve family.  I can’t even have sex in my mother’s house.  That to me is the naughtiest of naughtiest and I simply will not go there.

HUGH Hefner has gleefully enjoyed a sexually liberated life, but few know it all started with a little erotic dabbling within the Playboy czar’s own family.

In his upcoming book, “Mr. Playboy: Hugh Hefner and the American Dream,” Steven Watts writes how after Hefner wed his first wife, Millie, in 1949, he enlisted his friend Eldon Sellers, who would later help him co-found Playboy, into a staging a foursome.

The book relates: “One night after [Hugh] and Millie watched a stag film with Janie and Eldon Sellers, he suggested that the four of them make love on the same bed, each husband to his own wife. They did and in Sellers’ words, ‘It was different and exciting.’ According to Millie, Hugh began to hint at switching partners, apparently suggesting it with the Sellerses, although the swap never materialized.”

Hef then went further, trying a foursome out on his own family. “It did happen with his brother, Keith, and his wife, Rae, one evening,” Watts writes. “[But] while Millie ultimately backed out of having sex with Keith, Hugh slept with his sister-in-law.”

The book also claims Hef once tried a gay tryst. “Hefner’s thirst for sexual experience became so strong that he even had a one-time homosexual experience,” Watts writes. “One evening in downtown Chicago he was propositioned and, according to Sellers, he ‘thought, what the hell. Found it an interesting experience. As far as I know, the guy just gave him [oral sex].’ ”

Hefner also once shot a porno starring himself called “After the Masquerade.” Watts writes: “It was shot at a friend’s apartment where Hefner and a female acquaintance had sex while wearing masks.”

Hefner told Page Six he cooperated with Watts and gave him access to his personal papers. “This is the most authoritative book ever written about me . . . It’s all essentially true,” he said.

In the spirit of Playboy I thought I’d post the July photos of Cindy Margolis in the publication.  Unfortunately I couldn’t find them.  So here’s her last Playboy spread. Enjoy!

NSFW Playboy photos after the cut…