I do believe this to be the best Jessica Simpson rumor I have ever heard.

Via Crazy Days & Nights:

I didn’t know she had it in her, and I’m still trying to figure out where she learned it. Oh, I guess you would like to know who and what I’m talking about. So, this breakup that you have been hearing about in the past couple of days? You know the big one. Anyway, from what I have been told, the reason they broke up is because she was too kinky for him. Her? I know. Unbelievable. What I guess finally drove him away was the fact that she is a big fan of erotic asphyxiation. She loves having it done to her to the point of passing out. He tried it once. Freaked him out, so he left because she wanted it most of the time. What I can’t figure out is who taught it to her? I doubt she reads so someone must have done it with her.

This story is so great. I totally believe it too! It’s retarded to suggest she wouldn’t know about it because “she doesn’t read.” No one needs to tell you what you like, you just sorta know.

As for the erotic asphyxiation, I totally know where Jess is coming from. That shit feels sooo gooood.

It’s amazing to think Cash Warren has never really done anything bad, and yet everyone’s douche radar starts a-blazin’ every time his name is mentioned.

And so, in an effort to add some more fuel to the fire, here’s another fabulous Crazy Days & Nights blind item certain to get Jessica Alba’s pregger granny panties in a bunch.

This is the funniest one I have ever got from the accountant. This celebutard is engaged to a B list film actress with A+ name recognition. He spent $34,000 on porn last year, and tried to claim it as a deduction for business purposes. He had each and every receipt for all the porn. All of it. He claimed that he needed it to see the proper way to act in a love scene. When the accountant reminded him he wasn’t even an actor, our celebutard said something to the effect of, “I’ve got my girlfriend believing I’m the best guy in the world. I’m a great actor.” They chose not to try and deduct the porn.

Ugh, and to think he gets to stick his penis inside her!

And to help ease your pain, here is Jessica Alba photo spread in the June 2008 issue of Allure Magazine.

Photos of Cash and Jess shopping over the weekend in 3…2…1…