Mario Lopez, who by some misguided soul at People Magazine just got named their bachelor of the year, says that he would be with Eva Longoria now if they’d ever been single at the same time.

Lopez says, “We never dated. Unfortunately. We met a long time ago, and she was always with somebody or I was with somebody. But we hit it off and I have the utmost respect for her.

“Tony Parker is a lucky guy. I was in (sic) her wedding. I walked her mum down the aisle.”

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Now Mario, it might have been that even if you had dated Eva, she still would have met and fallen madly in love with Tony Parker, who happens to be a lot more loaded that you are.

Of course, what also might have happened is you might have split up because you’ve been f***ing a Hooters waitress. Or a singer. Or a wannabe singer that works at Hooters. Which is how his relationship with Dancing with the Stars partner Karina Smirnoff ended.

Or, you might have split up with her two weeks into your marriage, after cheating on her during the week leading up to your wedding. Which is how his marriage to Ali Laundry ended.

This, according to People Magazine, is the best that the male population has to offer. Mario tells the magazine that he is looking for a woman who is ‘modest’, not ‘uppity or affluent’. I think this means he’s looking for a woman who doesn’t stick up for herself and doesn’t publicly call him out on his philandering.

Mario Lopez is shown promoting his fitness book, Mario Lopez’s Knockout Fitness, on 5/15/08 and on Broadway before appearing in A Chorus Line on 6/5/08, thanks to WENN. He is with Eva Longoria in that stunt they pulled for “Pop Fiction” in which he gave her a necklace in front of the paparazzi in March.

We first met People Magazine’s Hottest Bachelor when he played good-guy A.C. Slater on Saved by the Bell. He’s since moved on to Dancing with the Stars and is now co-host of Extra’s weekend edition and star of Broadway’s A Chorus Line. Still, Lopez, 34 – here recreating Mark Wahlberg’s famous “Marky Mark” pose – says he wasn’t always so fit: “I was a fat, fat baby. I looked like a sumo wrestler. My mom had to pull the fat folds apart when she bathed me!”

This Father’s Day you might expect to see dads watching the big game or The History Channel, but what shows are dads watching that they don’t want anyone to know about?

They might not admit it, but dads love dancing celebrities, doctors who get steamy in broom closets, private school teenagers who can’t stop text messaging .

TiVo recently polled more than 700 hundred fathers from across the country and queried them on what shows they pretend to stomach while viewing with their families, but secretly love to watch.

“Dancing With the Stars” topped the list for dads. Almost one third of the men polled admitted to enjoying the competition on the dance floor.

Reality shows aren’t the only favorite for fathers, ABC’s “Grey’s Anatomy” has dads reaching for the remote. The ups and downs of Meredith and McDreamy apparently have them hooked, as this steamy hospital drama came in second place.

And beyond hospital-based dramas, TiVo’s poll proved dads love the suburbs too, especially on Wisteria Lane! Almost one fourth of dads polled admitted enjoying the mystery, comedy and drama of “Desperate Housewives,” landing the series in third place.

Access Hollywood also made the list, coming in fourth place, as a guilty entertainment pleasure for the guys. Everyone needs a daily dose of celebrity news.

What else are dads watching when no one is around? Morning gab-fests? Dating shows? Spencer and Heidi?

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Academy Award-winning actress and “Dancing With the Stars” sensation Marlee Matlin is working on a memoir, scheduled to come out in 2009 and tentatively titled “I’ll Scream Later.”

“As a young girl, I imagined myself as Marcia Brady who just happened to be deaf, skating down the street saying hi to everyone I knew,” Matlin, an Oscar winner in 1987 for “Children of a Lesser God,” said in a statement issued Tuesday by Simon Spotlight Entertainment, an imprint of Simon & Schuster.

“But today, as a mom of four, I’m no longer Marcia. I’ve morphed into Alice, the Maid. Goodbye, Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.”

According to Simon Spotlight, the 42-year-old Matlin will confide about her “unresolved issues and battles with addiction and abuse, many of which she kept hidden from the public and her family.” She also will “delve into her loves and life in Hollywood,” including such television shows as “Picket Fences,” “The Practice” and “The West Wing.”

Her previous books include a novel, “Deaf Child Crossing,” and the young people’s stories “Leading Ladies” and “Nobody’s Perfect.”

Laila Ali’s move into new career territory has surprised even the boxing champ herself.

“The plan was just to take some time off boxing and move into some fitness/wellness type stuff.  Then ‘Dancing With the Stars’ came along, and at first I said ‘No,’” she recalls.  She reconsidered based on the idea of being able to “show a different side of myself that I knew was there - to take myself out of the box of being a female fighter.”

The “Dancing,” stint, it turns out, opened up a new world of opportunities, including her contributing gig on CBS’ “The Early Show,” her NBC “American Gladiators” cohosting job with Hulk Hogan - and her role as host and unofficial godmother on the kid makeover reality show “The N’s Student Body” debuting tomorrow (6/11) on Nickelodeon’s teen-centric The N channel.

“It’s kind of like the kids’ version of ‘The Biggest Loser,’ with kids losing weight and getting in shape - and also changing their attitudes, dealing with personal issues and stuff, while their communities and families come together.  A lot of these kids don’t know how to take care of themselves.  They learn to love themselves and gain confidence.”  While she mentored the girls, “My husband was able to come in and impart wisdom to the boys,” she adds, referring to her mate, former NFL wide receiver Curtis Conway.

Is she good with kids?  “I can fake it ’til I make it, but my husband is excellent.  He can take 10 kids to the movies by himself.”  We love that.  “I love it too, so I don’t have to be the one,” says Laila, who’s expecting her and Curtis’ son in September.

She realizes that with motherhood may come still more new avenues for her professional life.  “That’s what we do as women, keep adding to our abilities as we go through life.   I don’t really think too much of it; that’s the natural order of things.  Women everywhere wear a lot of different hats,” she says.  “It’s just that when you’re in the spotlight, everyone goes for the ride with you.”

FROM TOME TO TUBE: Kelly Preston promises fans of Jodi Picoult’s best-selling novel “The Tenth Circle” won’t be disappointed in the Lifetime television adaptation airing June 28. “It was adapted very well and has not changed considerably,” says Preston, who plays an English professor having an affair with her student the night her daughter gets raped in the telepic,  also starring Ron Eldard and Brittany Robertson. “I hadn’t read the book prior to getting the role, but it’s excellent. I’m very much a fan now.” She adds, “I don’t think you can make a film and retain all of it. A lot of the stuff at the end of the book is not there, but the majority of it is.”

THE VIDEOLAND VIEW: Regis Philbin’s plate is full of side dishes - including “Million Dollar Password” and his new “Hallmark Heroes With Regis Philbin” campaign geared toward celebrating everyday heroes who change the lives of others.  The multiplatform campaign (television, online and in stores) will last a year and culminate with two television specials.

With it all, how does the future look for Regis vis a vis his long-running “Live With Regis & Kelly”?  It’s been widely reported that his current deal lasts into next year, and then?  “I’d like to keep going.  I feel good, feel strong,” says the beloved septuagenarian host.  “If they want me, yes.”

DISHY: Sharon Bush certainly had fellow guests’ attention at the 21 Club book launch breakfast for Dr. Robert Schwalbe’s “Sixty, Sexy, and Successful” last week, talking about reports that the Bush family paid her $10 million to stop writing her own book about her life and her 23-year marriage to Neil Bush, the President’s brother.

According to sources on the scene, she laughed saying she wished that was a fact, but the truth was that she received $30,000 a year for four years — $120,000 total - after three children and nearly a quarter century of marriage.  Sharon also revealed that she still has her diaries, and plans to pen her memoirs, but not ’til George W. Bush is out of the White House.  Sharon, by the way, bought six copies of the “Sixty, Sexy and Successful” tome by psychoanalyst Schwalbe, saying that she wished her ex had laid down on the doctor’s couch before ruining their marriage.

And Dr. Schwalbe added, with nods of approval, that former Senator Eliot Spitzer might also have benefited if he’d scheduled an appointment, or picked up the “how to” guide for men, before he destroyed his political career and damaged his marriage.

Olympic Gold Medal Skater, Kristi Yamaguchi, is the second girl of the six seasons of Dancing With The Stars, to win the mirror ball trophy. The first being soap opera star Kelly Monaco in the first season of the show.Kristi and partner Mark Ballas truly deserved to win since they have been amazing to watch all season long. They held nothing back and scored 10’s on their last three dances. This was the first time that a three dance sweep of perfect scores were earned by a team in finale history.

Runner-up Jason Taylor and his partner pro dancer Edyta Silwinski told the host Samantha Harris that “Kristi very much deserves it.”

Finishing in third place was Cristian de la Fuente and his partner Cheryl Burke.Check out the Kristi and Marc’s winning free style dance below:

Joan Cusack admits that it was tough shuttling back and forth between her Chicago home and Bulgaria location for her brother, John’s, “War, Inc.” big screen political satire that opens in limited release May 23 – but she was glad to do it.

“At this point I appreciate how hard it is to get something made that you love, that you really feel has content that’s worth talking about, that’s stimulating cultural conversations.  It’s a great luxury,” says Joan, who plays an executive of the corporation running the world’s first fully-outsourced war – complete with tanks bearing sponsor logos.  “To me, whenever John is working on something that he feels passionate about and I have an opportunity to work with my family and be able to support him, of course I’m going to do it.”

She notes, “The easy part was that I have a great husband and John was obviously flexible about when I could go and come back, so it worked with my family.”

Her other upcoming film this summer couldn’t be much more different – the July 2 release “Kit Kittredge: An American Girl’s Story,” inspired by the popular line of dolls, and its young heroine wannabe reporter of the Great Depression era.  That film stars the superb Abigail Breslin, with whom Joan is currently working in the big screen adaptation of Jody Picoult’s “My Sister’s Keeper.” “I’d worked with her before in ‘Raising Helen,’” reminds Joan, “and she’s a great kid with a great family.” She also notes, “I have two boys, so this girls’ world wasn’t a world I knew very much about.  I was impressed with the content of the story and the way they dealt with the subject matter.  It’s very psychologically empowering.  It made me want an American Boys store.”

Next up for Cusack, “Toy Story 3.”  “They’re just in the beginning stages,” reports the actress known to Pixar lovers as the voice of cowgirl Jesse.  “That’s easy.  I can do it from my home.”

ON THE PERSONAL SIDE: Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan admits that time with her beau, “Dancing With the Stars” pro Mark Ballas, has been pretty hard to come by lately between their respective professional activities.  “We’re just both really busy,” says Bryan, who competed in the upcoming Disney Channel Games last week.  “My partner has his card taken right now with Kristi Yamaguchi, which I’m so happy for.  We did go on tour together, which was awesome – to meet so many of the ‘Dancing With the Stars’ fans face to face and hear their applause.”

Bryan finished the much-anticipated summer Disney Channel movie “Cheetah Girls 3: One World” in India with group mates Adrienne Bailon and Kiely Williams last month.  “I got back on a Saturday and Adrienne and I went to that Monday’s ‘Dancing With the Stars’ show.  I couldn’t wait to get back and see him dance with Kristi, so I support Team Yamaguchi.  They’ll definitely make the finals, I think.”

As for Bryan and Ballas?  “We’ll see. We’re seeing how were going.”

THE BIG SCREEN SCENE: As fans eagerly await J.J. Abrams’ “Star Trek” , which just wrapped production, Faran Tahir, who plays the Federation Captain, says he’s confident it will bring forth a new legion of Trekkies – and not the kind that still sleep in their parent’s basement.  “J.J. is one of those people who has the ability to re-introduce water to you in a new way.  He’s such a creative man,” claims Tahir.  “I love what he’s done with it because he hasn’t said farewell to the tradition or the story of ‘Star Trek,’ but he has such a fresh approach to it that I think he will re-introduce it to this generation in a way they can relate.  It will create this bridge between the people who grew up with it and this younger generation who didn’t know about it.”

Tahir is certainly no stranger to fantasy flicks as he is also starring in “Iron Man” as Robert Downey Jr.’s nemesis Raza.  The actor believes people will really take to Downey Jr.’s approach to playing a superhero.  “The thing about Robert is that no matter what he attempts, he brings so many layers to the character.  Yes, this is an action movie and you could just do the action part of it and it would be fine, but he brings a certain amount of levity, which not many actors can do,” he notes.  The movie certainly holds a special place for Tahir, whose son got a part in it as well.  “For other movies I might have said no, but for a nine-year-old to be in superhero movie, what is cooler than that?  I couldn’t deny him that, and he did an amazing job.”

IN HIS SITES: Gerald McRaney’s off to Namibia to hunt game for his “World of Beretta” Outdoor Life Network series.  It’s the kind of unscripted show multi-series veteran McRaney can get into.  As for other non-scripted fare, “I agree with my brother’s notion about reality television.  He said, ‘Survivor my a–!  The craft services table is 20 feet away.’”  McRaney’s wife, Delta Burke, is staying home.  He says that while she understands hunting intellectually, “She’s not going to go there herself.”  He’ll be bringing Horton Foote’s “Dividing the Estate” onto Broadway this fall.  On the scripted TV front, “I’ve seen a couple of things this year that look promising, but any more, something is going to have to be really interesting to get me involved in it.  I’m getting a little long in the tooth to putting up with something less just to have another payday.”

Dancing With the Stars pro Karina Smirnoff denies she has split from Mario Lopez. “We’re going on strong,” she told PEOPLE on Tuesday. “As much as I love and appreciate the attention, this isn’t true.” She adds: “For the record, I am not moving out. Everything is great.” In her production trailer was a bouquet of roses. “These roses are from (Lopez) and they certainly are not a farewell gift,” she says.

The pair, who met during Dancing’s third season, never publicly acknowledged their relationship — until now — despite the fact that they were living together in Lopez’s Los Angeles home.

A source had said Smirnoff was moving out of Lopez’s digs. Smirnoff also was spotted recently with E! Entertainment personality Michael Yo. The two were seen dancing at a recent event at Hollywood eatery Beso.

“Michael and I have known each for a long time, and there’s nothing romantic whatsoever,” Smirnoff says. “He’s a great guy and I really respect him, but we’re just friends.”