I wish the press would stop encouraging that slimebag Michael Lohan into thinking people actually give a crap about what is going on in his stupid life. As usual, Lohan felt the need to call the media and give them the up-to-the-minute scoop on his latest drama with his kids and ex-wife. As you recall, Michael couldn’t wait to call OK! Magazine while his father’s corpse was still warm and whine to them about how Lindsay, Ali and his other kids probably wouldn’t attend the funeral thanks to his ex-wife Dina. Now, Michael is singing Dina’s praises and says that his kids will be attending the funeral after all. In case anyone cares.

Despite a brief, and quite public, war of words, it seems that all is once again well in the Lohan household. Or at least on its way to being so.
Lindsay Lohan’s father, Michael, told E! News he is set to call truce and reunite with his famous daughter and the rest of his offspring at a burial for his father, Richard, who passed away in New York last Thursday after a battle with cancer.
While devastating, the elder Lohan said the passing of his 73-year-old father has brought his family closer together, and while Lindsay was not present for her grandpa’s funeral, she will be present for the final service.
“She is going to be at the burial,” Lohan told E! News. “All my kids will be there.”
And it’s not just with his daughter that Lohan has laid down his verbal swords.
“And I can’t believe how great Dina has been,” he said of his ex-wife. “She has been wonderful. She has been the woman I married. She has been great.”
Lohan said the outpouring of support from his immediate family during this difficult time has been particularly touching.
“You will not believe it. I give a lot a credit to my son Michael. He has been the glue. He is growing up to be an amazing young man.”
Lohan said he also has a somewhat unorthodox funeral planned for his father, which will be held the last weekend of September in New York.
“My father always wanted to be cremated,” he said. “He wanted to have his ashes sprinkled in our county in Cold Spring Harbor, in the harbor. That was his favorite spot. So that is what we are going to do. We are going to get on our boat with probably like 50 or 60 people and go out. We are just going to sprinkle them together as a family.”

[From E! Online]

It really is hard to determine who is the biggest attention whore among the Lohans. As obnoxious as Lindsay and Ali are, the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree here. As much as I hate Dina Lohan, she hasn’t exploited the death of a family member for attention- at least so far. So I guess that makes Michael the winner.

Michael Lohan is shown talking to Kim Kardashian at a Hamptons club on 5/25/08. Look at how he’s pinching her cheek. Credit: ROC/ Fame Pictures

Michael Lohan dropped a bomb on his family – he has a secret love child. Michael claims the girl, now 13, was conceived when he and now ex-wife Dina were separated, thus implying that he wasn’t cheating on her. This is the first I’ve heard of an earlier separation. Michael’s definitely not talking about the separation that eventually led to divorce – he and Dina have 14-year-old daughter Ali and 12-year-old son Cody.

Linds’ father, Michael Lohan, has admitted to OK! that, while married — but at the time separated — to now-ex-wife Dina Lohan, he had a relationship with another woman which resulted in a pregnancy. In a statement to OK!, Michael says, “Years later [the woman] contacted me, convincing me that I was the only person she was with and that she had my child.”

In fact, OK! has seen letters Michael wrote to the girl’s mother where he says that his secret daughter “is beginning to look a lot like Linds, with a mix of [younger brother] Cody, believe it or not.” He also sent his daughter a photograph of himself while he was still in Collins Correctional Facility which he signed “Love Daddy.”

Michael’s secret daughter has had many conversations with her dad, the girl’s mother tells OK!. He even called her for her 13th birthday on June 12. But he has never visited her or provided financial support. “It’s time for Michael to take responsibility,” the girl’s mother tells OK!

Can you imagine finding out that Lindsay Lohan is your sister? I would throw up so hard. This poor girl has obviously known for a little while, since Michael got out of prison a little over a year ago. Though he never specifies how long ago the girls’ mother contacted him, so who knows how long this girl has had to grow up knowing she’s genetically linked to the Lohan clan.

I have to wonder if the other Lohan children were informed before Michael dialed up OK! You’d think Dina would have used it against him publicly by now, had she known. So I’m guessing this is brand new information for most of them. I can only imagine what the first family picnic will look like. I imagine it’ll involve fried chicken, alcohol, and tears.

Here’s Lindsay Lohan on the set of her upcoming new film ‘Labor Pains’ in Los Angeles yesterday. Images thanks to WENN.

Well, there you have it folks.  Back by popular demand, Tiffany ‘New York’ Pollard will return to television with VH1’s new reality show New York Goes to Hollywood.

That poor Marilyn Monroe.  She had a hard life on earth and now skanks like Lindsay Lohan and New York are crapping on her afterlife too.

Here are the new promos of Tiffany for the reality show.  Scary.

Lindsay Lohan’s alive and well, reports The New York Post.  The bad girl gone good is said to be “a total pro” now that she’s not busy getting high and banging dudes in club bathrooms til 5 a.m.

“She’s showing up early for call time [on her new flick, 'Labor Pains'], she knows her lines and her co-workers actually like her,” said one friend. “She’s a total pro now.” The reason, the friend adds, is because Lohan’s girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, “has a calming effect on her.”

Yeah, I know what effect she’s talking about.  Once I cum it’s totally just lights out.  Spark a joint, order some pizza and just chill.

Lindsay Lohan realizes she isn’t as big a draw as she once was and with no significant work in the near future, meaning no income whatsoever, she’s sunk to selling her own exclusives to magazines. The first of which was supposed to be a $1 million story to OK! Magazine detailing her lesbian relationship with Samantha Ronson. However, Page Six leaked the story and now Lindsay is having second thoughts since it might “jeopardize future exclusives.”

“She might not have wanted to do a cover before when it was actually news (that she’s dating Samantha Ronson), but she wants someone to do the story now, she needs the money,” said the source. “Of course a deal isn’t going to work now, after so many pictures of the two of them have already gone public.”

Not only is Lindsay having fame problems, but so are the rest of the Lohans. They’re being bested by the Spears.

“She can’t believe Britney Spears got so much attention for ‘How I Met Your Mother’ and no one cared that (Lohan) was on ‘Ugly Betty.’ Even Jamie Lynn (Spears) has managed to steal the little-sister spotlight from Ali (Lohan) by timing the end of her pregnancy with the start of ‘Living Lohan.’ It’s not an auspicious season for the family.”

When you can’t even sell your own exclusives to magazines, that’s when you know you’re an idiot. Lindsay was probably sitting around looking at pictures of her kissing Samantha and thought she could make money by exclusively telling a magazine that she and Samantha are gay for each other. This is the equivalent of buying an iPhone and the next day going to the patent office to get some sort of copyright on it. On an unrelated note, one time I went to a patent office to tell them about my cool new phone idea. I couldn’t realy make out what they said through all that laughter, but I think the answer was “no.” Whatever.

Continuing to spark interest as to the extent of their relationship with one another, Lindsay Lohan and gal pal Samantha Ronson were side-by-side in Los Angeles on Saturday afternoon (June 21).

The inseparable pair were first spotted out on a shopping trip to Kidrobot on Melrose Ave before LiLo headed off to get ready for a night of work - shortly thereafter making her way to the set of “Labor Pains”.

After filming a few scenes, the “Georgia Rule” redhead was once again reunited with Samantha, as the DJ dropped by her BFF’s work for a little added support.

Claiming that a serious relationship in the works, an Us Weekly insider tells: “I’ve never seen Lindsay like this.”

“They really do love each other and are trying to figure out the next step,” the source continued. “When they are ready to go public, they will.”

Whether it’s films or music, Lindsay Lohan has been known to give the people what they don’t want and then some. Let us briefly recount the ways.

There was that time in April 2006 when she traumatized flashed her bum to millions of children across America at the Nickelodeon Awards. (Though I suppose Lohan should be given some credit for this one. I mean she was supposedly wearing a thong…) Check out this video if you wanna see it for yourself…perv.

Then in September of the same year, the paparazzi got a nice shot of her vajayjay coming off a boat.

Shortly thereafter in October, Lohan was kind enough to give the cameras another view coming out of a car.

Oh and she also managed to get some nipple in as well early last year.

So then, we’ve got butt, boobs and female privates. What could possibly be left to the imagination?

Her underwear! Well, that was until this past Sunday at the MTV Movie Awards at Universal City, California. Though I’m sure it’s not the first time, due to Lindsay’s desire to have EVERY bit of her captured on film an unexpected gust of wind, the public got a look at some actual underwear! And ain’t that the real surprise?!

The chick should get some kind of award right? Three cheers for Lindsay! She has finally learned how to dress herself or at least has found someone better to remind her to keep her private parts private

In the bathroom. Actually, The Sun says it was in a toilet. I’m going to assume they mean a stall and not a toilet toilet because in my experience having sex ankle deep in poo contaminated water is a turn off. Bobby Brown’s son Brandon says:

“Me and Lindsay got really, really close. She followed me to the bathroom during a private party, and, well, we basically got together. I think she knew who I was when she first saw me. We were just staring at each other and she walked by. I walked into the bathroom and she followed me in.”

Unsurprisingly things didn’t work out, although Brandon says: “I’m actually trying to get back in touch with her – really soon.”

You read that right. Bobby Brown has a son. If he’s anything like his dad, he’s probably exaggerating. When he says they got together, he means Lindsay’s hair grazed his arm and when he says Lindsay followed him into the bathroom, he means she walked in not knowing the bathroom was occupied, said sorry and left. I refuse to believe Lindsay knew who Brandon Brown was without a 10 minute lecture about who his dad is and what he did. “Bobby who? Whitney what? I’d like to leave now, please. You’re scaring me.”

The only way Lindsay Lohan could expose herself to the sun and not burst into flames is with SPF 100 sunscreen. She’s so pale even ghosts think they’re being haunted by a dead relative. All their ghost friends call them crazy, but they “swear to God, man, she’s there.”

Wait a minute, is that Cisco Adler under all that hair and novelty store crap? It’s hard to know for sure. Quick, someone check his balls!

Audrina Patridge of The Hills left Goa with a crew that included some guy who snagged his wardrobe at a gas station with about $25 in his pocket. He actually had money left over for a pack of gum and some cigarettes. Hmm, is he a distant cousin of this long-lost Lindsay Lohan hanger-on known as “white sunglasses guy?” Something to think about…

The star of the upcoming straight-to-DVD movie Into the Blue 2 appeared to have recently made up with her warring housemates, but on this particular occasion, Patridge’s uncanny ability to find the least desirable man within a 100-mile radius kept her newly reconciled buddies at bay.