Bravo’s A-List Awards took place at the Hammerstein Ballroom Wednesday night and it sounded more like a dysfunctional family reunion than an actual awards show. The whole show was pretty much a circle jerk for D-listers.

Kathy Griffin hosted and being the “hip” and “with it” comedian that she is, told jokes about Miley Cyrus getting VD and about Mariah Carey being old. She also said some other stuff, but I’m too tired to type it so I’ll just quote Page Six. Pay close attention to the swearing. Notice how Kathy becomes 10 times more edgy when she throws those f-bombs:

“That motherfucker George Clooney ruined it for all of us,” she yelled. “He decided to donate his Oscar bag to some bullshit environmental organization and ruined it for me.”

Griffin, currently on the cover of A Bear’s Life - a magazine dedicated to macho, “furry” gays known as “bears” - admitted she watched “Living Lohan” and is obsessed with Dina and Ali Lohan.

“I wish I could have had a manager mom out at clubs fucking guys to get me roles,” Griffin cracked. “My mom’s at home drinking a box of wine.”

There’s a magazine dedicated to hairy gay guys? You’re goddamn right there is. The pinnacle of achievement for any actor or actress is to grace the cover of A Bear’s Life and Kathy Griffin has done it. She’s made it. In the venerable words of Kathy, “FUCK YEA!!” But Kathy Griffin wasn’t the only one happy, Lauren Hutton was too. If you can’t see the video of Lauren’s acceptance speech up above after receiving a lifetime achievement award, let me or rather, let Page Six, yet again, describe it. It rivaled that of Halle Berry’s Oscar meltdown.

Actress Lauren Hutton, who accepted a lifetime achievement honor, slurred that she hadn’t slept in 46 hours, rubbed her crotch with the big silver award and mumbled “sluts” on stage.

After that, one clap turned into thunderous applause. Wow. The Bravo A-List Awards sounds like the classiest show out there. It makes the Oscars look like a used up whore. With VD!

Here’s Jessica Alba shooting some Revlon commercial which should ultimately lead to an Oscar. Do they give Oscars for commercials? If they don’t, they really should. They can have a category like “Best Shot of a Celebrity’s Ass and Panties Through a Sheer Dress.” The name needs a little refining, but it would be a big hit. What I’m trying to say is that looking at these shots of Jessica Alba’s ass and panties makes me happy…in the pants.

Is there anything sexier than food?

It’s probably no surprise that for Kim Cattrall it’s the people who make it.

Known for her vixen character, Samantha, in “Sex and the City,” Cattrall put sex talk on the menu while hosting Sunday’s James Beard Foundation awards, often called the “Oscars” of the food world.

Cattrall opened the ceremony talking about her own love of cooking, then asked co-host and celebrity chef Bobby Flay what has more sex appeal than food. A breath later, she offered her own answer.

“Maybe what’s sexier is the chefs who are always cooking up something new and exciting,” she cooed.

Cattrall then quickly challenged Flay to a “throwdown” in the kitchen, to which Flay said: “Don’t worry. I’ll be gentle.”

“Sex and the City” grossed $21.3 million this weekend, earning $99.3 million total after only 10 days in theaters. The movie is based on the HBO television series.